the best things (come from nowhere)
by vivafiction
Summary: an infinite loop of infinite hurt takes its toll on him -— jet & zuko. s2, city of walls and secrets.


**title** — the best things (come from nowhere)  
**pairing** — jet & zuko  
**warnings** — slightly sexual situations  
**etc** — this is from a prompt on tumblr

…

**i. i'll keep your secrets  
**"Go ahead," he says and the words feel _right_, he can't explain it away, "show them what you can do."

Jet wants a show, and he hears that rasp, _you want a show?_ And under his skin, he has lived this before, even though he takes that errant thought with a grain of salt.

Maybe Zuko just knows what he wants.

**ii. don't rush, just take it slow  
**There is something restless and destructive in his blood, no matter how hard he tries to chase it away with tea and kisses and sweaty palms moving along his skin. Jet is reckless and dirty and careless, but careful all at the same time, because he tumbles into the apartment with smudges of earth along his cheeks and a rousing story in his chest and dozens of epithets of reluctant affection waiting on his lips.

"Stop," Zuko says, looking up at him from his spot on the floor with his legs firmly spaced apart and arms draped over his knees, vulnerable even in his rough demeanor. "I have something to say."

Jet falls down beside him, slumping against his shoulder and Zuko can't get him away, can't bring himself to move away, so he exhales flames gently into the air.

His eyes widen, and Zuko's entire body braces itself for impact.

**iii. on your knees, down, down, down  
**The pain prickles across his knees and it jostles him down to his bones, and when Jet tips his head up, blinking through the anger and confusion and _pain_, he sees the crowd disappear, he sees that—that _firebender_ and his Freedom Fighters and he sees it all so clearly.

No one ever believes him, do they?

**iv. nothing safe belongs here  
**"I have something to say," rings in the back of his head, and it resonates even when Jet drops down beside Li, pushing his body against his. Scarred and twisted but still his, still willing to be this close after the fiasco the day before—

_So bad about what? About staying here or me, lovi_—and the pain blossoming from his jaw the first time.

—and he still hadn't apologized for it, still hadn't explained what possessed him to punch Jet so suddenly. But it doesn't matter…

He hardly recognizes he's flashing back through memories of his house crumbling into ashes until he sees the pout of Li's lips with fire between them, and everything else burns too.

Everything else burns here, too.

**v. show them what you can do  
**Zuko grits his teeth when Jet bursts into the teashop, his anger surfacing as a powerful, smothering presence around them, eyes fixed onto him as if he could pierce his chest with his pinpointed rage, like lasers through his ribs. Zuko knows this boy, the one who is barely taller than him, barely restrained, barely hanging onto the semblance of his humanity, and he'd taken that away when he'd confessed, and now—_shit_.

Stupid, is the only thought that swims to the forefront of his mind, stupid for confessing, stupid for coming to this shop and trying to dismantle the terrible permanence of this life, stupid for thinking he could have anything. (That was the _real_ reason he confessed, wasn't it, he knew he couldn't, he knew it wasn't his to have.)

"You'll have to defend yourself," and he wants to split his lips in a wild grin, because he feels at peace when under threat, because he has suffered his entire life protecting himself, fighting, clawing his way towards the things he seeks.

Zuko draws the swords of the officer about to strike, green flashes swishing around the hilts, and hopes there won't be any blood spilled between them.

**vi. all i want is more  
**Zuko looks up at him, draws his hands back to cup his knees. "I have something to say."

But Jet crosses over to where he's seated, grabs his wrists and hauls him up to his feet, and all he can do is stare at him, half-stunned and half-frustrated. "Not today," he says, "let me show you something."

Zuko wants to tear his hands free and get away from Jet, put a distance between the fire in his blood and this boy who will go up in flames if he lingers too close, but he allows Jet to lead him out of the apartment and into the evening breeze and the twilight of sunset.

"Jet," he starts, but the bruised boy slips in close_close_close and kisses him with callous skill and the absence of any negative emotion.

**vii. i can't believe you care  
**They fight, violently, viciously. Jet pins Zuko's throat against the splintered wood of the floor and Zuko's face cinches under the pressure and the crush of air out of his lungs, before he swings raw knuckles up into the other boy.

"You—_fucking_—firebender—" And Jet's cries are wild, animalistic as his nails start to tear away at the flesh of his neck, and Zuko throws Jet off of him. His breath is heavy, rises and falls in unpredictable spurts, and Zuko kicks out at Jet's shin for good measure, watching him fall back to the ground as he tries to get up.

When he gathers his bearings, he slumps to his feet and backs himself against the door.

"Why?" Jet asks, and Zuko only flees.

There is no answer, only the inevitable collapse. Zuko thinks that Jet knows why, deep down, and that he wants him to think on this ruinous thing they have created, wants it to shred him to pieces like it has done to the once strong, independent Freedom Fighter.

**viii. do you know my name**  
"I'm tired of waiting."

Those words don't fit there, but it doesn't matter as long as he can say them (and Jet would rather say them here, with Zuko's body trapped underneath him). He thinks he's figured it out, because he sees flashes of swords and stone and scraped knees in the backs of wagons, but he can't place them together.

Zuko grits his teeth together when Jet's fingers plunge underneath his trousers, smooth themselves out over his skin and over the firm erection in his pants, and the other boy's hand clenches a fistful of Jet's hair. It hurts, but a surface level pain, a prickle of blood against his jaw and not a lifetime of hurt.

Maybe he can get used to this, being stuck like this. "Take that off," he rasps, "Zuko, please."

Golden eyes widen and lips part and Jet fucked up, it depends.

And time freezes, right then and there.

**ix. seek and nurture and destroy  
**When Jet wakes up, he knows he is at the beginning again.

He sits outside the teashop, running the events through his head. A whole day in the Earth Kingdom destroyed by his confession, skin made raw by fights that he can't let go, that he must track down until he breaks china and furniture and _gives everyone a show_. And it all ends the same, because it all ends and begins again.

He pauses in the doorway to the apartment and wonders if maybe, he's doing something _wrong_.

But he hears Zuko's footsteps overhead, and it doesn't matter, because he's there, so he ascends the stairs.

**x. it will not loop forever  
**He is not dead, he is not restrained, but the days have reset. Jet notices it now, the way there is always a sale on cheap fabric outside his apartment, the way there is always a young woman and her child skipping happily along the walk. It is not subconscious, now that he notices these things.

Jet thinks if he can stay away from Zuko, if that boy will not seek him out, then maybe he can live—maybe he can be free, and _he_ can be stuck in an infinite loop of infinite hurt, the way he deserves to be.

…

**notes** — this is probably a little confusing. i didn't want anyone to be cognizant of the timeloop at first, but then i realized it would be a nice irony since jet gets brainwashed that he should now be aware of repetitions.

also, there are three separate loops in here, if you care to dig them out.


End file.
